My Life, My Mum, My Torment, My Tears, My Nightmar
by Aimskidoodle
Summary: this is not a book about twilight, its a story in poem form about my life with my Mum, its very personal, but I wanted to know what people thought about it.
1. Chapter 1

**My Life, My Mum, My Torment, My Tears, My Nightmares, My Dreads, My Beliefs and My Fears**

This life mustn't be meant for me,

I have done nothing so bad you see,

The burden that lies upon my Mum,

Is a burden that lives her whole life long,

If affects me in so many ways,

I think of it throughout the days,

No pills, no treatment, can stop its path,

Just prison its affects that last and last,

This life mustn't be meant for me,

I have done nothing so bad you see,

The burden that lies upon my mum,

Is a burden that lives her whole life long.

At night I wake,

She tosses and turns,

She sweats and wets the bed,

She has no control,

But I'm alone,

To keep her safe and sound,

During the day I worry,

During the night I'm scared,

I'm mentally scarred,

But that's not as hard,

As looking after my Mum,

No one can see what I've been through,

No one can guess what its like,

They ask me hurting questions,

Then they make fun of my fright,

They mock me,

Torment me,

And lay on the floor,

Spasm around,

And giggle some more,

I run whilst I cry,

And sit all alone,

They follow and shout,

And I scream them to go,

But they have no idea of what its like,

To be living in this type of daily fright,

Whilst I write this my eyes swell up with my tears,

As mental images flash through my head,

The sound of her screaming,

My heart filled with dread,

She's forgotten her tablets,

They're here by her bed,

That terrible noise haunts me day and night,

Forever in my heart, my soul and my mind,

I wake up on the floor by the side of her bed,

Relieved that she fell back into a sleep,

I woke coz' my alarm began to bleep,

I'm so tired,

I lay in bed,

And fall into a satisfying sleep,

Its 8:00am,

I'm late again,

"I had a great sleep last night" she says,

I break into tears and run opposite ways,

She sits on a chair and calls me to her

I explain everything I remember,

It started at 3 and finished half past

I fell asleep at 6 onto the floor,

I cry and I cry and fall into her arms,

She doesn't remember, or know anything,

"Go back to bed",

"And stay there all day",

"But what about school",

"I'll call and say no way",

"With you so tired after what happened last night",

"Don't worry it'll all be alright",

"I won't send you to school like this"

As I stand up to go,

Her mouths filled with blood,

She bitten her toung yet again,

"Oh Mum", I scream,

"Call the doctor please",

You need to tell him what happened,

"I won't tell him what anything, I won't, I refuse!"

She asks me for details,

I slam the door,

I run to the graveyard,

And sit behind a stone,

It's my Granddad from Dads side,

I tell everything,

He's the only one that listens without interrupting,

I confide in him everything,

My secrets,

My troubles,

I ask him for help,

And it seems like he answers,

In the rustle of the leaves,

Above in the trees,

When I finally return home,

She questions me more,

She sees it upsets me,

But doesn't seem to mind,

If you don't tell the doctor exactly what happened,

He can't help me more if he doesn't know what its like,

There's nothing more possible for anyone to do,

That what happened last night is all coz' of you

You left your tablets by the side of your bed,

And didn't take them before you went to sleep,

Her mood swings scare me,

She can get really mad,

She threatens,

And blackmails,

It makes me so sad,

They blame it on me,

"You've driven your Mum mad!"

"It's all coz' of you"

"It's your entire fault"

I don't really care,

I just wish one thing,

The person they take out on,

When they cry don't go on,

They want someone to blame,

I just wish it wasn't me,

I am the only one here,

Every single night,

To live through my nightmare,

Every few nights,

This life mustn't be meant for me,

I have done nothing so bad you see,

The burden that lies upon my Mum,

Is a burden that lives her whole life long,

If affects me in so many ways,

I think of it throughout the days,

No pills, no treatment, can stop its path,

Just prison its affects that last and last,

This life mustn't be meant for me,

I have done nothing so bad you see,

The burden that lies upon my mum,

Is a burden that lives her whole life long.

It's true that epilepsy is such a scary thing,

Especially when you don't know what you should do

I've had no training,

I go on instinct,

So she won't bang her head,

Or fall on the floor,

This nightmare will never, ever stop,

Just live with it!

I can't, I've got:

To get enough sleep

And do well at school

I don't want to blame,

But it IS coz' of you,

I know you can't help it,

And I know that is true,

But if you love me for me,

I can love you for you.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	2. Chapter 2

She's not meant to drink,

But she drinks,

She's not meant to d…,

But, well…,

She'll get into a mood in the blink of an eye,

She'll slam the doors,

And kick the chairs,

And grab me by my collar.

She'll lift it up,

And shout some more,

I wriggle out,

And run for the door,

She'll grab my wrist,

And twist me round,

So close that she spits in my face.

She tells her friends;

I do nothing to help

But she doesn't take into account

Those horrid nights

When I'm up for hours

From 1 am to 5 or 6

Laying on the floor

Crying till my eyes are sore

And so I cry a little more

She torments me;

Is that what I'm like?

Lie on the floor and show me more

Of what I do when I'm outta' control

A bottle of Magners (cider)

A couple glasses of wine

Half a bottle of Baileys

And a can or two of beer…

In one night

My childhood ended when I was about 8

When she shattered her ankle in an accident I saw in a dream,

I knew it would happen

That it would never heal

With no left foot

She can't play squash

Or run around

Teach me to ride my bike

With the stabilizers gone

We can't have fun

Or walk the dog

You couldn't tuck me in

Coz' you couldn't get up the stairs

Can't exercise.

Can't dance.

Can't make your lunch

Make a cup of tea

Get a drink

In the bath

Or in the shower

I warned you Mum that it would happen

But why would anyone trust an 8 year old

Who said her Mum would have a 1 in every 5 year accident

Because she saw it in a dream

Why would you trust a little girl

Who always feels like déjà-vu

Because most things that have happened to her

Have already happened in a dream

Even insignificant,

Little, petty things

Like a conversation

Or a right answer in her class

Walking down the street with a friend in the sun

With an umbrella in her hand coz' she dreamt it would rain when they got to the church

Umbrella in hand as it started to rain, just outside the church

No-one would believe me

But I knew I was right

When things came true

That I'd dreamt

In the night


End file.
